January 20, 2007
Are you still on the train?
A great friend is leaving for another country. He calls to say good-bye. We tell jokes and talk about some light stuff, trying to avoid getting sentimental. Before he hangs up, he asks:" Am I still on the train?" I smile:" Yes you are." " Great, because I am not planning to get off."
The train. That comes from something I shared with many of my friends a while ago. Life is like a train journey. During the journey, some people get on while others get off. Some will be forever engraved in your heart even though they stay for a short while; Some others leave the train and their names are not even remembered. You may find someone who can be your life partner but he/she eventually gets on another train; Some others think you can be their life partner but you reserve the seat besides you for someone special... Sometimes people hesitate to get on or get off, you have to understand because we all have the same moments of hesitation and confusion. Some people promise to be on the train but for some reason they just miss it while some others just get on by accident but become your favorite passengers...
Alas how many people are still on your train? And how many people's trains are you on?
Have a beautiful train journey!
January 7, 2007
How many 10 years do we have?
We always say, time will heal. Yes it will. We always say, pain is like the cut on your heart, when it is fresh, you see the blood and it hurts, but when it heals, there will be a scar but it does not hurt any more. Is 10 years long enough not to hurt? But why do I still feel the sharp pain? How many more time do I need? Another 10 years or forever?
I know you have been watching me, for the past 10 years. You have watched me grow, watch me experience, watch me love, watch me suffer, watch me laugh, watch me cry, watch me learn from the past, watch me try to become a better person. I don't have much accomplishment to boast and the only thing I could say loud is that I HAVE LIVED MY LIFE. I don't have much money, but enough to make me happy; I don't have a big job, but I enjoy doing it; I am alone in this country called Canada but I have many great friends who are like my family; I live a simple life everyday but I always allow myself to have dreams...Of course there are things that remain unchanged: I still don't like taking any medicines when I am sick unless it is absolutely necessary; I still wear high-heels except in the gym or at home; I still joke with Mom and Dad as if they are my brother and sister and most importantly, I still smile.
I often wonder what your life would be like or my life would be like if you were still alive. I am sure that you would still share your little secrets with me, as you always did about your dreams, your school, maybe your jobs later on, the women you would fall in love with and possibly break your heart...I would always listen to you, tease you, give you my advices based on my bloody experience and laugh with you, as I always did.
What is the difference between being alive and dead? Some people are alive, but they no longer exist and contribute anything to your life and you don't even think of them, are they literally dead to you? While some others are gone, but they always manage to make some space in your heart and have impact on your life, can you assume that they are alive?
Therefore my dear brother, give me your forever young smile and wish me a good night. And you know, you will always be alive, in my dreams.
January 3, 2007
Let it be our new year's resolution
"To laugh often and love much; to win the respect of intelligent persons and affection of children; to earn the approbation of honest citizens and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to give of one's self; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived... this is to have succeeded."
January 1, 2007
A drunk year-end
2pm. The first day of the new year.
I managed to open my eyes, my eye lids seemed heavy enough to cover the whole world. I also made a huge cappuccino to make sure that I was really awake.
My house was left without any decency except my bedroom. All my CDs were scattered around the floor, the candles stood there like exhausting statues with tears on the street of Paris, the dark coal in the fireplace just showed that it was once beautiful and passionate, the wrapping paper was torn everywhere under the Christmas tree and the numerous bottles were lying in different poses laughing at me. Yes I had a party and I was drunk. It was obviously awful and awfully obvious.
Apparently there were more evidence of my being drunk---------the pictures someone intelligently took using my camera, some incoming phone calls this morning, no this afternoon precisely, to ask me whether I was recovered and some vague memories of my leaving some messages on someone's voice box. For the first time in my life, I did not feel apologetic for being drunk given limited number of times that happened. I seemed to have all the decent reasons, or subconsciously I indulged myself in doing so. In any case, it was me last year, wasn't it? When I was young and silly, or I should say younger and sillier?
So there was it. Another year was officially over. Was that all a year-end celebration left us: A big mess, a huge headache, a stain on my sexy dress and undescriptable void and emptiness?