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August 27, 2006
周日呓语
我是不太按规矩生活的人。
所以星期天中午十二点把自己丢到了浴缸里，还嘟嘟囔囔地小声对自己说：外面下雨呢。人有时就是挺好笑的，经常装模作样地给自己一个交待，似乎就心安了。Who the hell cares?
把七年没见过的朋友及老公送走，我便把自己从沙发升舱到了床上。头一沾枕头，近来旷日持久的失眠便冷笑地挑衅，小样儿，看你能撑多久。而我，竟也没有刘胡兰妹妹的气节，立马偃旗息鼓，瘫在床上睡得天昏地暗的，中间隐约听到车库门开的声音，有人经过窗前的声音，甚至有电话进来，身上软软的，无半点力气去接。再醒来的时候，感觉重新过了一生。
若是有人问我：“你是不是有受虐倾向啊？“我肯定头也不抬地给丫一巴掌。可现在我自己问这样的问题，却对自己下不了手。九年前我对“心痛”一词从理论到实践淋漓尽致地体会了一次。以后的日子也曾在一个夕阳无限好的黄昏体会“心如刀绞”， 在一个暴冷的寒冬夜晚体会：“心如刀割”，在一个阳光四溢的异国午后体会“心如死灰“----这些应该都是心痛的高级表现形式，否则似乎太乏味。而今，我似乎又回归乏味，连心痛都没什么花样了，有些悲哀。郁闷。
窗外雨还在支离破碎地下着，扭扭捏捏地，我有些不屑。
我决定再困一次。
Posted by pengbo at 3:49 PM | Comments (0)
August 18, 2006
Time
August has halfway crawled my skin and no mark has been left.
Time.
My thoughts landed upon the seemingly endless coldness of hailun, the discreet shadow play in the library of Tianjin, the heartbroken and unerasable winter in Beijing, the dramatic tears and laughter in Montreal, the footsteps on Charles bridge in Prague, the drunk blue paradise in Switzland, the sleepy morning on the bench in Vienna, the crooning solo in the subway of Paris, the crying sunny afternoon in Sydney, the magical and unretriveable smile in Lijiang...I saw time. I saw my life path. I saw myself.
I smiled when he said, " I should have..." I smiled when she said:" What if..."
Time does not allow us to have too many " should have..." " what if...". It passes by when you mourn your past, it never stops for your grievance and regrets, it winkles your face and heart when you sink in self-struggle and hesitation, it has no function of " undo" or "redo"...It is calm, it is merciless, it is fair, it is cruel, it is real, it is honest, it is............time.
Posted by pengbo at 7:04 PM | Comments (0)
August 10, 2006
When I look at you, I see myself
Posted by pengbo at 10:46 PM | Comments (0)