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December 25, 2005
My journey
She says:
I escaped from
a box with no lid.
I was supposed to be round.
gonna take a journey to find myself.
chasing after it
I came to a place I never knew
but it is where I've always wanted to go
there is everything
there is nothing.
all I wanted to watch was
a beautiful butterfly fluttering around.
that's why I knew
this was not my place
yet.
Posted by pengbo at 10:14 AM | Comments (0)
December 20, 2005
Escaping
Carrie says that there are two kinds of women: the simple ones with straight hair and the complicated ones with the curly hair. That is the only reason she can find to explain why Mr. Big wants to marry Natasha, but not her. I have straight hair but it does not help me to be less complicated.
It snowed, again, in a way that I liked, not too overwhelming and not too trivial. The road was icy and slippery, like every short or long journey, never smooth. Fighting my way with a big X’mas shopping crowd to the Chapters, I felt exhausted. I bought a beautiful photography book, and poetry. Yes I bought poetry, I was a hopelessly romantic idiot. The guy at the cashier seemed a little absent-minded. He gave me the bag with my books and I looked at him, smiling:” You may want to keep that receipt. “ He then realized that he even put the one with my signature in my bag. Being penalized would not be a pleasant X’mas gift, I guessed. He thanked me with a shy and embarrassing smile.
Outside Chapters, it snowed even harder. I could struggle back on the slippery road or I could hide myself underground for some protection. I chose the latter. I could not get the famous red and green out of my sight and the jingle bell music everywhere kind of annoyed me. I was not in the X’mas mood, excuse me.
I want to escape. Every time when I am confused I want to escape. That is my nature, some others say that it is the human nature. It does not help much by attributing it to the whole human level. And this time I will escape far, to another country, another continent. Hopefully the exotic wind there will help me clear my thoughts I try to imagine all those people who would travel around the globe to another place, who were trying to get away from the routine world. Are we all think that life is always interesting elsewhere?
I finally got out the underground, where I felt suffocated. It was still windy snowy cold slippery outside, but at least I felt, alive.
Posted by pengbo at 4:35 PM | Comments (0)
December 14, 2005
无言
我一共见你哭过两次：一次我在你就是温暖提到的你婚姻的七年之痒时，另一次是前几天，又一个七年之后，在电话里。我在你并不明朗的言语中听到了一种孤独感以及孤独背后暗含的一种危机。
我有些牵挂。于是在很短的时间内打了几次电话给你，因为我知道地球另一端的你需要我。可是一直没抓到你，直到今天，我才又听到你的声音。你很平静地说：我们结束了。我惊诧之余便是心疼，恨自己此刻不在你身边。我没有说你怎么这么冲动之类的话，只是问：“你还好吗？“我知道40岁时做的决定不需要别人来判定对错。你依然平静地说：“我很好，决定得很突然，但我没有后悔过。其实有些东西该来的迟早会来。人性本身决定我们永远渴望新鲜的感觉，而有些东西时间长了，就是会褪色会陈旧，就算你还喜欢，可感觉已经没有了。 “你的豪华的房子里到处都是他的痕迹，包括他几个月前千里迢迢买给你的“风雨同行“的画，画里一对男女共撑着一把伞。人真得很有趣， 那么快地否定自己。
我知道你会很痛，他也会。我也知道你会好的，他也会。也许这是件好事，我说，这许多年你也放弃了很多。你楼下的画家不也说你的眼神太平静了，已经缺少欲望了。人要有欲望才会有活力。也许这给你一个新的机会重新认识自己，打开一扇新的门重新挖掘出你生命的活力。现在的生活缺少稳定性，多了不可知性。可是正是因为不可知， 生活才有了神秘感，有了憧憬。也许有一天你们会重修旧好，也许你生命里会出现另一个人，顺应生活本身。有时生活如滑雪，如果你要往左摔，就顺着往左摔，你不会伤得太重；但如果你一定要向右拧，你会骨折。想不明白时就先别想。 想哭时先去哭一场，然后去剪个头发，涂点颜色，然后漂漂亮亮地该做什么做什么。。。然后我开始大谈我的糗事试图逗你开心，你真地笑了，笑得支离破碎的。你说你几个星期以来都不曾如此笑过。 我听了特有成就感。我们是笑着挂掉电话的，在你答应我要精神焕发拒绝雀斑闪亮耀眼地去约会那些依然对你一往情深的男士们以后。
挂了电话，我哭了。
Posted by pengbo at 12:33 AM | Comments (0)
December 5, 2005
心绪飞扬
Posted by pengbo at 2:20 AM | Comments (0)