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May 29, 2005
心囚
I am the prisoner of my own heart...
Posted by pengbo at 9:03 PM | Comments (0)
May 27, 2005
Inertia and change
如同女人的衣橱里永远少一件衣服一样,我永远找不到一个让我满意的发型师.
朋友介绍了一位给我.如期前往,心里没有抱太大的希望. 通常面对一个我不熟悉的发型师最保险的方法就是婉转地说不要剪太多修修就可以了,这样还不至于死得很惨. 如果遇到口是心非的发型师便在劫难逃.青丝落地,面目全非然后郁闷地付钱,心想自己很贱,花钱请人糟蹋自己的形象. 然而这一次不知是因为对于朋友的信任或是他本身流露出的自信, 我竟然放心大胆地说,就全交给你了. 他得了令箭于是大刀阔斧,而我见满地自己的秀发,竟然有些快感. (比较神经.)然后我又邀请他给我的头发来点儿夏天的色彩. 他毫不犹豫地选了两种颜色而我竟二话不说地由他去了. 当我深情款款地望着镜中的自己,突然发现自己哪儿不同了.不仅仅是发型和颜色的变化,他居然改变了我分头的方式!我从来都是左偏分的,十几年如一日,以至于头都有右倾倾向. 而现在,我竟然毫无怨言地允许一个陌生人改变了我的习惯!我让自己吃了一惊. 我有些不认识自己了.
通常我们有一种惯性自觉抵制变化.因为我们习惯了某种生活方式,习惯了某种思维方式,习惯了吃某些东西,逛某些店.习惯了有些人在我们的生活里晃来晃去,即便有些审美疲劳,但依然是我们生活的一部分,如同手脚,有的可能如头屑...但我们又渴望新鲜,渴望新奇,渴望激情...但大多数时候要在保证不冒险失去原有的习惯模式的基础上去感受所有视觉听觉味觉抑或情感的冲击. 所以很多人在生活发生巨大转变时反映强烈,因为原有的模式被打碎,原有的信念被推翻.坚强的置死地而后生,改头换面,从头再来.而脆弱的则锐气尽失,一蹶不振.....
我突然间开始喜欢这种变化...我应该奖励他的自作主张...
Posted by pengbo at 11:11 PM | Comments (0)
May 24, 2005
Happy Birthday my friend!
There are numerous daisies in the background so you can't count this time...:P
Posted by pengbo at 10:27 PM | Comments (0)
May 22, 2005
Put on my memory
Long weekend. Overcast. Windy. Rainy.
I suddenly had some time to take care of myself including my nails. I diligently put nail polish on my toes, which were complimented weirdly by a sales man at Leon's last summer. Then I found that my purple toe was still purple. Three months! I almost forgot it and it did not hurt any more, but the trace of being hurt was still there. Just like the broken heart, even though the wound healed, the scar remained.
I convinced myself that summer was around the corner so I decided to do my summer cleaning. I took out all my beautiful sexy summer dresses and tank tops and put the heavy winter clothes away. Tidying up the clothes was like tidying up the memories. I tried on a few to rehearse for my beautiful summer performance. All of sudden, I realized that I missed something. I opened my jewelery box, it was there, quietly shining----My ankle chain.
It dragged my meomeries back to a summer afternoon after rain. After a pleasant lunch with a dear friend, I walked on St-catherine street. There was kind of sweetness in the air and I heard my laughters echo around...Then I had my encounter with this anke chain. It was thin, shy and shining discreetly...I fell in love with it at the first sight. By the time it was around my ankle, I knew I would never forget this afternoon...
So I put it on, in a rainy day in May.
Posted by pengbo at 11:32 PM | Comments (1)
May 18, 2005
Welcome home Helen
Oh....after a looooooong day, I am back home at last. All I need is a hot bath, of course with candles and music... and some cuddles...:)
Posted by pengbo at 7:37 PM | Comments (0)
May 17, 2005
Trip to Regina---Day 3
From the window...
Day view of Regina
Night view of Regina
Posted by pengbo at 4:34 AM | Comments (0)
May 16, 2005
Quote of the day
"You've got to get to the stage in life where going for it is more important than winning or losing."
Arthur Ashe
1943-1993, Professional Tennis Player
Posted by pengbo at 11:55 PM
Trip to Regina---Day 2
I opened my eyes this morning and I saw some discreet sunshine attempt to invade my bed. I smiled.
Must be a beautiful day. At least I had sunshine. In fact the sunshine was with me all day long. People here were just incredibly nice. They said good morning to me in the elevator; they smiled at me on the street; A couple in the same training class took their car and drove me to the ONLY camera store in downtown to check my battery and the guy in the store offered to charge my battery for free...
The guy who helped me with my battery in the store...pretty cool hair style, uh? In fact that was the logo of the store...
I took a long walk in this sunny afternoon and started to take some shots. People were so interesting when they saw me carry a camera. They stopped and asked:" Why don't you take a picture of me?"
Twin towers in Regina
They even have Confucious in front of the city hall!
Then I start to feel: this is a beautiful city. Sometimes the beauty of a city lies in its culture, its history, its scenary, its architecture yet sometimes it purely lies in its people, like Regina.
Posted by pengbo at 8:14 PM | Comments (0)
May 15, 2005
Trip to Regina---Day 1
6:30am seems rather early to get up on SUNDAY, especially for me, who is never a morning bird. Besides I only managed to crawl to bed at 2pm last night. But I have to. I have a flight ahead. I am flying to Regina, Saskatchwan. Far west.
I pick that place for a training. Sounds crazy, I know. The only reason I make that impulsive decision is that I have never been there and I know that probably will never have the chance to go there again.
I had a brief lunch at Calgary airport, looking at several airplanes take off and land, which I have done way too many times in my early (or earli..er) years of life. Then I boarded a super small jet, the smallest one I have ever taken. Yes, I am going to Regina, no big plane goes there.
Here I am. After 7 hours' trip, only to find that I am walking in the drizzles that I do not like, only to find that I was stupid enough to forget the charger of the battery of my new camera, only to find that the city was dead quiet and most of the restaurants are closed on sunday.....
A bit disappointed. And, I am allowed.
Posted by pengbo at 6:49 PM | Comments (0)
May 14, 2005
Model Helen
黑色雨伞（Black Umbrella) is an excellent Chinese photographer and I simply love all his photographs. He asked me to be his model for some portraits and I agreed immediately.
After an E-X-H-A-U-S-T-I-N-G day, for the first time I understood it was really not easy to be a model. My knees were red because I had to knee on the hard wood floor for quite some time. But the result was excellent. My effort was greatly paying off. I only put a few on flickr...by the end of the day I never understood so clearly that a good portrait resulted in the effort of both the photographer and the model and mostly importantly, the communication and connection between the two.
Thank you 黑色雨伞 and trueprice, another great photographer who helped us for the whole day.
Posted by pengbo at 11:47 PM | Comments (0)
May 13, 2005
Friday surprises
Nothing is more pleasant than having dinner with your best friend at Friday evening after an exhausting week.
While I was waiting for Vivian, I spent some good dollars at the store nearby then I had to accuse her for having me waiting. We sat in a Chinese restaurant and started "bitching" about our life. Then the door opened, a guy came in. We just could not believe it, that was a common friend of ours who lived in Shanghai, China most of the time. " What are you doing here, man?" He joined us.
"How is life?" I asked. " Life is a bitch." " But you married one." I joked as usual. " I actually got divorced." Looking at his serious face, we knew it was not a joke any more. And we also knew what the best thing he needed at this moment: beers. It was not easy for a man of 40 with 2 kids to face such a dramatic change in life. I understood. "If it hurts, let it hurt. You have to go through this anyways. The only way you can get over it is to wait, wait until your wounds heal, until you have neither love nor hatred." I believed that he could understand it.
What else can we do then? We all need to fall then learn how to walk properly; we all need to be hurt then learn how to grow out of pain.
Leaving the restaurant, Vivian and I went to my parking. I found another surprise on my windshield: a note from my old janitor saying that he had something to give me and he would come to look for me at 10pm. He came with a bag in his hand. Then like a magician, he took out a film camera. He said" I know you are taking pictures and this one has been in my basement for a long time. It is an old camera but it still works well. You may need to go to a camera store to get it cleaned though."
He had no clue that I just lost my camera at all. Now Kostas, I believed what you said.
Posted by pengbo at 11:28 PM | Comments (0)
May 10, 2005
Santa's gift
A parcel discreetly arrived.
It was from the other side of the globe, from someone who's played an important role in my life, whom I have shared a lot of wonderful memeories with, whom I haven't spoken for a long long time, who got the news that I have lost my new love from flickr, who understood how much it meant to me, who knew how upset I would be, who immediately bought a same one in appreciation of my past presence in his life, in appreciation of all the values that I have brought to him......
I am speechless. I don't know what to say.
I decide to accept this grand gesture, I decide to keep this priceless gift...I decide to record this precious moment in life...
"Thank you" may not be enough but thank you!
Posted by pengbo at 6:38 PM | Comments (0)
May 8, 2005
Feeling life while waiting
I used to hate waiting. Waiting usually escalates my anxiety and gets me frustrated e.g. waiting in the traffic, waiting for companions who are late or waiting in line to get in a restaurant. I often say that there is no restaurant which is worth waiting for more than half an hour.
As I grow old..er, I have gradually changed my attitude. Not only because patience is taking control more often but also because I start to enjoy feeling life while waiting.
I still remember last week I was expecting a friend who was half an hour late. I in fact enjoyed my waiting while holding my favorite latte in a café. I watched people pass by. Just one second's encounter, I was able to make my initial judgement on what type of person this was in general, what kind of mood he/she appeared to be in and even what sort of taste this person showed in dressing! At times, some laughters from a bunch of young girls echoed in the air, spreading joy around; a couple's heated arguement was sent out to my ear; A man who smiled at his computer probably received a love letter...the city was so alive and vibrant...and I felt it while waiting...
In the case of waiting in a traffic, I have stopped being annoyed. Instead, I often watch the behavior of other drivers, or the model/color of other cars, I turn on my favorite music or I take this time to let my thoughts fly: the to-do-list after work; the topics I will cover in my blog, the photographs that i will shoot differently...I will allow some other cars to cut me in because I know it won't make a difference of more than two seconds for us! For these kind of things that are not under my control, I would just relax and enjoy myself while waiting!
When it comes to waiting for a lover, I would say waiting is rather beautiful. Waiting prolongs and even reinforces the desire. While waiting, you might just rehearse everything what would happen: the embracing arms, the tender but never-tiring kisses, the long gaze into your eyes and the breezy whispers that stir your heart...the process of waiting sometimes is even more beautiful than when you actually get all these...
There actually is so much to feel while waiting...e.g.feel the imaginary satisfaction that you will bring your friends while waiting for them to come over for dinner; feel the self struggling and even self reflection while waiting for some news in life, OR, feel the hopeless hope from some police about a lost camera...
Posted by pengbo at 11:45 PM | Comments (0)
May 5, 2005
Thank you with all my heart
Sincere thanks to you...
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Posted by pengbo at 7:43 PM | Comments (0)
May 3, 2005
One second
Just one second, life has changed.
I lost my new love in Toronto, and I lost a lot of precious moments...
Posted by pengbo at 4:49 PM | Comments (0)