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February 27, 2005
Ski Trips to Le Massif- Day 3
Since I was handicapped, (I was not even qualified for a handicapped parking permit! Too 郁闷.) I stayed at Quebec City alone for the morning. And I had .....
A bigggggggg latte
A huggggggge breakfast
A wonderful time reading in a café
Posted by pengbo at 7:16 PM | Comments (0)
February 26, 2005
Ski Trips to Le Massif- Day 2
I am never a big fan of McDonald’s. It is once-a-year thing and I think I already used next year’s quota. However on our way to Le Massif, we decided to have M’s breakfast because there was nothing better than that along the road, for a quick bite I meant.
Rule 1 applied here: When you really want something, you can never find it; when you don’t, it is everywhere. So for quite a while we did not even see a trace of the big yellow M. We were more hungry but more persistent. It was like a mission and we had to make it possible. Rule 2 applied here: When you can’t get something, you want it more. Andy, who was driving, cautiously asked:” What if we see a Tim Horton?” I knew he was starving. Lu was a little reluctant to say:” Well, we can skip T.H once and if we STILL can’t find a M, we will stop at another T.H. “ I agreed. Soon we passed a T.H and Andy’s eyes stared at the big sign for more than 1 sec. “McDonald’s!!!!!” Lu and Andy suddenly heard a scream, that was from me who even sat at the back seat. “Where? Where? “Then they saw that 50 meters away, there was big M. Rule 3 applied here: When you really focus on something, you can see what others can’t. McDonald’s was never so good in my life.
I really had nothing to complain. Beautiful weather, fantastic views, great snow conditions and fun people….. Lu was funny. She skied down and said “this time I am going to fall first”. Before her voice dropped down the snow she performed a beautiful fall. I told Lu that I liked her very much because she delivered what she promised instantly. She hated me. ;-)
Since I found that I successfully turned my big toe into a beautiful grape, I stayed at the chalet for the last round. And I bought two beers:
Do you know which one is mine?
And found a dog was tired too…perhaps too much skiing….
At the end of the day, Quebec City welcomed me with the beautiful sunset...
Posted by pengbo at 2:57 AM | Comments (0)
February 25, 2005
Ski Trips to Le Massif--Day 1
A friend from IM asked me when I needed a vacation, I said when I wanted to escape. Yes, escape from routine life, from boredom, from the coldness or hotness, from struggles, from love/hurts……
So this time when I was invited to go for a 3-day ski trip to Le Massif, I was more than happy to accept because I wanted to escape from the idleness. After being sick for a while, I felt the fatigue, physically and mentally. I needed fresh air.
Mike was considered a "sadist" because he whipped his car mates to leave at 5:30am so that they would be able to start skiing at 10am after 4 and ½ hours' drive. That was absolutely a big “NO” for me. I did not want to exhaust myself even before I started. Besides, we would have 3 days, besides, it was my vacation. For me, the purpose of taking a vacation is to enjoy, not to fully make use of the resources. I often joke with friends saying that if I climb the mountain, I don’t necessarily need to get to the peak. If I find a big rock on my way and I feel extremely comfortable by lying on it feeling the sunshine, for me it is equally enjoyable.
So at 9am, after a sound sleep, after I made Lu and myself a cappuccino, after we enjoyed our lovely breakfast, we picked up Andy and headed our way to Le Massif. Everything was just wonderful. Wonderful weather, wonderful views on the way, wonderful companies. Mike might be laughing at us for having wasted half a day on sleep, but who cared. We were energetic and, happy.
Le Massif was really a beautiful mountain down by the sea. When we skied down, we were flying to the sea.
And I thought of that song:
I am like a bird,
I only fly away,
I don’t know where my soul is,
I don’t know where my home is….
The night is longggggggggg
Burning Sanbuka, burning dream
Posted by pengbo at 6:19 PM | Comments (0)
February 23, 2005
My dreams......
Posted by pengbo at 7:22 PM | Comments (0)
February 19, 2005
Quality Friends
I was invited to a dinner with a bunch of lawyers. To be honest, there are two professions I don't really like, even though they are well respected. One is the doctor and the other is the lawyer. (Qingchun, sorry you are the exception. :P)
At the table a French Canadian who was actually very friendly asked me:" Where do you usually go out?" I answered:" I don't go out often." He looked at me as if I was some alien. I figured that he must have thought "What a boring woman!" I looked at him straight in the eye and just smiled, without explanation.
I don't need to explain anything. This is simply not the lifestyle that I choose. I don't mind going out having a drink with friends or dancing once in a while, when I feel like it. I have seen some people even some of my friends who start their weekend by going to a bar, getting a beer, shouting at each other in the noise of music and the smell of smoke, then going to another bar, doing the same thing then going to a club and dancing in the smoke until 3am next day......If this is what it means going out, I 'd rather stay in. Life is short, I would like to spend some quality time with family or friends whom I can share a lot with or just myself.
As I am getting older, I am more conscious of how little time I have and how much I want to do in life. QUALITY is never so important in my dictionary. Therefore I become more picky, even in choosing friends. I need quality friends.
In my eyes, there are some different type of friends categorized as such:
Doorway friends----With those friends you smile and say hello bonjour ni hao...then bye au revoir zaijian.
Living room friends----With those friends you can talk about weather, fashion, film, politics and maybe gossips... sometimes you can share some coffee and tea...or even a beer to have a relaxing time and some fun.
Kitchen friends----those friends who can come to your kitchen not only to share the real food with you, but also the spiritual food. They can sit or stand in your kitchen, talking about something that touches you, inspires you or motivates you, or simply listening to your pain, your sorrow and giving you a hug when needed.
Balcony friends----Some people stay distant, but only by staying distant can they be beautiful in your eyes.So you just keep the distance, appreciating each other from far...and still enjoy. You don't think of them very often, but whenever you do, you feel warm and you will wave your hand from time to time...
Bedroom friends---With those friends you share a lot of intimacy and pleasure. Those are the limited ones to whom you open up with heart and soul, you tell the little secrets, you are more real to them than anyone else, you don't mind being caught the next morning with messy hair and pale face...
As time goes by I would prefer to spend more time with kitchen friends and bedroom friend, occasionally wave to balcony friends and occasionally entertain some living room friends.
What do you have and what do you prefer?
Posted by pengbo at 10:46 PM | Comments (1)
February 17, 2005
古老的心情
Andy从上海带来两本台历, 是旧版古文诗词. 尽管上面留有商业的痕迹, 那精美的线装书还是把我的记忆一下子拉回到若干年前, 海伦三中的某一个角落, 一群稚嫩的孩子摇头晃脑地大声背诵先人们的诗词, 尽管不是完全理解他们的之乎者也,那时阳光透过斑驳的树丛, 散落在陈旧的书桌上, 散落在满是注释的课本上; 海伦一中的操场边上, 年轻的Helen一边在本子上默下李煜的万般柔肠, 一边看红衬衫在操场上踢球, 偶尔的回眸一笑便驱走了年轻的心里的莫名的惆怅.....
我们读兰亭序洛神赋, 我们背出师表岳阳楼记,我们吟诵着"天将降大任于斯人也,必先苦其心志,劳其筋骨, 饿其体肤....."可是我们真的懂先人们的心情麽?我们真的说着同一种语言麽? 当我置身于法语英语的世界里回想几千年前的文人墨客的呢喃, 感觉有些时空错位.
那台历看上去很像宣纸印的, 摸上去却全然没有宣纸的质感.我一直对宣纸有着特殊的感情. 那质地,那手感,那颜色,甚至那味道... 那单薄却韧性十足的个性, 那丰厚却含蓄矜持的情感, 即使只滴下一滴泪, 它也会完全的吸纳. 小时候看父亲作画写字,总是惊叹于他的一气呵成. 问父亲为何不可精雕细琢, 父亲说那是宣纸, 它会纪录你每一次停顿的痕迹. 后来自己开始练书法, 才知道宣纸就是那么诚实, 诚实得有时让我气忿, 每一处间歇, 每一笔犹豫都在它的注视下表露无疑.
如今书法早就扔掉了,更多的时间用来讲别人的语言. 我不知是该骄傲抑或悲哀. 找出父亲的旧作, 在阳光下凝视那一笔笔, 然后想, 人生岂不如同写字,不能重来.就算我们试图重新描绘某一些章节, 亦难免不留痕迹......
Posted by pengbo at 8:31 PM | Comments (0)
February 15, 2005
Rose En Chocolat
Posted by pengbo at 2:42 AM | Comments (0)
February 9, 2005
Clear the Cache
Her: Your website does not display properly.
Him: Try "reload".
Her: Now it works. Why?
Him: Because you did not clear the cache.
Oh yeah, sometimes we need to clear the cache.
How many old memories we have about a person, an object or an event? Some pictures are imprinted in our mind, forming certain perceptions. We kind of naturally ignore their evolvement, not intentionally though.
Last year I went back to Beijing and had some tea with my first love. He picked a kind of jasmine tea and said:" I know this is your favorite." Oh dear friend, your memory stays in 15 years ago. Now I like something else. You need to clear the cache.
My best friend Y once was worried about me, especially my love life. Because what I left in her mind before I left for Canada was still the image of a sensitive, love-above-everthing and easily-hurt woman. Not long ago, she told me from the other half of the globe, " I don't worry about you any more. I will not use the old perception to judge you because now you know who you are, what you want and where you are going." I was glad, glad that she cleared the cache.
How many times we run across someone whom we loved with heart and soul only to find a total stranger? How many times we find an ordinary old house one day turned out to the most beautiful paradise?
A man once acted as a bastard might appear as the sweetest person one day. Maybe he grows up from his mistakes, maybe he meets someone in his life who makes the best out of him, maybe something unexpected happens in his life and totally changes his behavior. We would not be surprised to see the opposite though.
So must be open-minded. Must give others and ourselves chances. Must clear the cache frequently.
Posted by pengbo at 8:41 PM | Comments (0)
February 8, 2005
Another Year?
Posted by pengbo at 11:59 PM | Comments (0)
February 7, 2005
Chinese New Year and Something Else
I guess the most popular words this week are “Chinese New Year”. I have been invited to two Chinese New Year parties consecutively and have been asked many times how I would be spending my Chinese New Year. Apparently the parties were spectacular and I did enjoy them a lot. However honestly, deep inside, I feel that this holiday has been detached from me even though I have exerted enough effort to throw a party at the Chinese New Year Eve just to attempt to give certain importance it deserves.
For many years Chinese New Year (春节) had been my most important holiday during the whole year. It meant that I finally grew another year older, it meant that I could have new clothes, it meant that I could have feasts and candies, it meant that I could have a little spare money (压岁钱). Still have a vivid picture in my mind: the little Helen was anxiously waiting for her mom to finish sewing her new clothes for Chinese New Year at lunch break. She had been waiting for that for the whole year. It was almost late for school. She was a good student and she was never late for school, on top of that she could not even wear it until the New Year, but still, she stood in front of the sewing machine, waiting. It was cold and the shower of sunshine spread on her little new clothes: it was a red top with small white flowers…
Can’t remember for how long I haven’t longed for something. Had lunch with J. who mentioned that she once burst into tears loudly on the street right after saying good-bye to her first love who would be leaving for a week. We laughed hard and joked about it. Then something called sadness sneaked in my heart. Yes we used to love wholeheartedly. One glance can be pondered over and over; one sweet word can be tasted again and again; we were tossed and turned at night because we missed someone so terribly; we spent so much time crying for some misunderstandings and the rainbow came out right after they were clarified; our heart was so tender and easily broken and once it was, we thought we would never fall in love again.Yes, we used to love like that, when we were young. We believed in love so much; we linked love to marriage to happily ever after; we had strong faith that love could conquer anything until one day we found that only love was not enough...
Since when we’ve preferred a warm love instead of a rollercoaster-like love? Since when we’ve started to build a shield in our heart? Since when we’ve developed sort of immune system to the pain?
......
Chinese New Year has lost its context and its meaning embedded in my mind. Yet still, it could simply be an excuse for a gathering, for an evening with candles, guitars and some melody once touched our heart softly, even just for a decent day-off.
Posted by pengbo at 2:34 AM | Comments (0)
February 2, 2005
Time is Irreversible
我的同事的父亲在Paris去世了, 他黯然地对我说, 我应该多陪陪他, 总以为还有时间…
和朋友多久没聚会了?
------既然在同一座城市, 还有时间…
和父母家人多久没一起吃饭了?
------太忙了, 等我有时间…
和远方的好友很久没通信了?
------事情太多, 等有空写封E-mail…
和爱人多久没有手牵手黄昏漫步了?
------等我忙过这一段, 让我补给她…
很熟悉的对话. 我们总以为还有时间:可时间常常冷眼看我们, 和我们做我们永远不会赢的游戏. 于是有一天, 我们突然发现, 我们永远地失去了做时间主人的权利. 我们的亲人走了, 而我们还没来得及告诉他们我们爱他们; 我们的朋友离开了, 而我们记忆里的他们还是若干年前的样子.
我们忙. 永远很忙. 忙的没有时间多爱自己一点, 忙的没有时间多爱我们想爱的人.有时我想, 如果我爱的人在这个世上只有一个月的时间, 我会如何. 我想我不会再和他争执谁对谁错;不再去想谁爱谁多一点. 我会珍惜和他的每一个微笑, 每一个眼神, 每一个拥抱, 每一次亲吻, 我会每天告诉他我爱他, 感谢他在我生命里的存在. 因为我知道我将很快不会再拥有. 可我们为什么一定要等到最后的一刻才开始珍惜呢? 在我们的生命里每个人都是过客, 或长或短. 如果对每个人我们都假设这是他/她在我们生命里的最后的日子那我们的生活会不会多出很多爱的瞬间?
So my dear friends, if I only had one month to live, would you love me differently?
While I was writing this, I heard this song:)
Days pass me by just like moments
There here and then they're gone for good, for good
I work so hard at where I'm going
I wonder what I've missedI can't remember the last time
I picked up the phone just to talk
For hours on end
Or sent a birthday card unbelated
Maybe I should slow downChorus
Life doesn't wait for us to get it right
Day after night
It just goes on when it goes wrong
It goes and then it's gone
So I'm gonna do my best
To make the most of it
Avoid regret, Yeah
Take a breath and relize
Time is irreversible
This ain't no dress rehearsalI've always got a big to-do list
Oh, but there's so much more to do, to see
I want to
Know that I didn't leave I love yous
Trapped within my heart
There won't always be another day to
Say all the things you wanna say, so don't, don't wait
Wait for the perfect situation
It will never come aroundChorus
And when the show is over
And they lay me down
I want to be remembered for the love I spread around
Dawn Johnson Carolyn---Dress Rehearsal
Posted by pengbo at 2:31 AM | Comments (0)