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January 7, 2005
你在天堂还好么?
Would you hold my hand if I saw you in Heaven?
Would you help me stand if I saw you in Heaven?
I'll find my way, through night and day,
'Cause I know I just can't stay here in Heaven .....
Tears in Heaven Eric Clapton
***************************************************************
It is a tough and emotional day for me today. In fact every year today, for 8 years.
8 years ago in the very very cold morning, indeed the coldest morning ever in my life, my dearly beloved brother left me without even saying good-bye.
8 years. I thought I would not feel the pain that much any more.
My colleague says that we all have a grievance cycle. As time goes by, the new grievance cycles come in and we would focus more on the new ones then the old cycle will be longer and gradually diminish. If this is true, do we always have to feel the new pain in order to be distracted from the old one? Do we always have to have a substitute to forget someone in the past? Does the old pain ever diminish or as a friend says that 'forgotten' pain is merely the pain that is lost amongst other pain such that we can't individually identify it anymore?
I wandered purposelessly again during lunch hour. Walking in the crowd, I feel a little bit, lonely. Sitting at a corner of the food court, with all the noise around, I could hear my heart beat.
At food court, people come, people go.
In my life, people come, people go.
***************************************************************
When I passed by an entrance to the metro station, I saw a woman curl up at a corner crying with extreme sorrow. I stopped and bended down, asking her gently:" Ca va?" She looked up with tears flooding in her eyes and shook her head. At that moment I wanted to touch her hair to at least give her some comfort. But I hesitated. She gave me a hand gesture saying " I will be fine..." I did not want to impose her so I left, with concerns.
Don't know what happened to her, but apparently she also needed the moments of grievance.
It was a day of grievance.
Posted by pengbo at January 7, 2005 8:54 PM
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Tracked on April 5, 2005 11:57 AM