February 1, 2009
有节制地感伤
从小我就是那种容易悲春感秋用现代人的话是没事找事瞎掉眼泪的主儿。三十岁以后我似乎把这恶习改了好多。可能是经的事儿多了，见的人多了，知道感伤来感伤去除了伤肾伤脾伤自己，没啥特别好处。再有，我又是一个把自己的时间表安排得满满的永远闲不住的人，所以经常忙得没时间感伤。
然而近几年我决定学习一门新功课：爱自己。对于一个考虑别人感受多过自己永远把被人放在自己前面的人来说还真不是一件容易的事。为了表示自己热爱学习不畏挑战，我定期会和自己约会，随心所欲做让自己高兴的事儿。
今天便是一个和自己约会的日子。上网YOUTUBE 一下春节联欢晚会。 实在没有耐心看所有的节目。30 多年了早就审美疲劳了，只想有选择地看看小品们跟着傻乐一下。突然间看到李宗盛，罗大佑，周华健，张震岳的歌曲串烧。张震岳我没什么特别感觉，印象中就是一小屁孩儿。可是宗盛，大佑，华健，那可是我青春的见证啊。最爱的当然还是李宗盛。
人们说李宗盛懂女人，那么多女人的心思在他的歌词里被暴露得淋漓尽致：
“爱又多销魂 就有多伤人”
“如果女人 總是等到夜深 無悔付出青春 他就會對你真
是否女人 永遠不要多問 她最好永遠天真 為她所愛的人“，
“我以為我會報復 但是我沒有
當我看到我深愛過的男人 竟然像孩子一樣無助 這何嘗不是一種領悟 讓你把自己看清楚
被愛是奢侈的幸福 可惜你從來不在乎“
不胜枚举。可我跟喜欢听他的浅吟低唱，用那种沙哑得近乎说话的方式去表达男人的无奈： “
關於愛情的路啊 我們都曾經走過 關於愛情的歌啊 我們已聽的太多 關於我們的事啊 他們統統都猜錯 關於心中的話 心中的話 只對你 一個人說“
“忙忙忙 忙忙忙 忙是為了自己的理想 還是為了不讓別人失望
盲盲盲 盲盲盲 盲的已經沒有主張 盲的已經失去方向
忙忙忙 盲盲盲 忙的分不清歡喜和憂傷 忙的沒有時間痛哭一場“
“雖然曾經有過很多感情的債
對於未來的愛還是非常期待
這一次我的心情 不高不低不好不壞“
“你像個孩子似的 要我為你寫首歌
一點也不理會 會有好多的苦從我心中重新來過“
和女人或撕心裂肺或哀怨幽婉的感伤来比，我现在似乎更欣赏或接受男人的这种有节制的感伤。可以伤心但不歇斯底里；可以无奈但不自哀自怜。 生命像一个钟摆，向左摇得越大，向右也会摇得越大， 最终要达到一种平衡。
在这个阳光四溢的冬日午后，我望着那四个熟悉的面孔，眼泪淡淡地滑过脸颊，伴着一丝淡淡的笑容， 与我， 这是一种有节制的感伤。
Posted by pengbo at 2:32 PM | Comments (1)
December 23, 2008
Nostalgic
Two days before Christmas, I drove to work as usual, with my cheerful smile, as usual. Except that I was nostalgic.
It all began with a friend's facebook status:" Have I told you lately that I love you ". Since that moment, I have been playing that song over and over again in my head. Since then I am wrapped by this beautiful but nostalgic feeling.
Her e-mail arrived just in time, like a fresh bagel on a saturday morning. I enjoyed reading her stories and tried to picture her arm wrestling with a Swedish woman in a park in Austria. Then this word of the day just jumped to my eyes: nostalgic. She has been thinking a lot about what happened this year, some special person, some special moments...What a good timing!
I opened his card again today. A beautiful little buddah sitting in pink roses. My french has never been better because I have sensed all the nostalgic emotions beneath the seemingly calm tone.
I always believe people come to our lives with a mission. Some of them have completed it and some of them are still working on it. Every story has an end even though sometimes we don't want to accept it, like sitting in the movie listening to the last tune of the music. Everything has an expire date, some are longer than others if we are lucky. Very often we seal certain memories and put them in the box and we know that when we open it, conciously or unconciously, " nostalgic" will be the word.
Let me just say that holidays make us nostalgic, so let's blame holidays.
Posted by pengbo at 11:47 AM | Comments (4)
October 14, 2008
Audience in life
I watch you from far. The beam of light drops on your red dress and outlines your face with tenderness and mystery. You are singing in a language that is completely foreign to me. But I feel that I understand your passion, your emotions and your sentiment as music is a universal language. The audience is excited by you and their excitement in return gives you inspiration. You need an audience. Don’t we all? We need someone to listen to us, to understand us, to appreciate our qualities, to recognize our effort, to help us improve and grow. We all need witness in life. No man is an island himself.
Tonight, I am yours. You don't even know who I am but I hear your passion and see your color.
Posted by pengbo at 9:09 PM | Comments (1)
October 1, 2008
Summer is over
I have been away, not just physically, for quite a while. When I come back to this deserted garden, I feel a bit guilty. The voyage is long and tiring. My life is slipped in packing, unpacking and packing again. Some days I think I see the rainbow on an August sky, yet when I reach out my hands, I only grasp a few footnotes of the wind.
I am tired, for a long time. It is not until recently that I realize that I am the one to blame because I let my energy to be consumed, I let my inspirations to be taken away, I let my body and soul float and never land. For the first time in many years, I am not curious any more, I don't always think of exploration, experiments and discovery, I want stability, a routine, a tranquil Sunday morning without thinking where I have to live.
The summer is finally over, in my heart, unfortunately.
Posted by pengbo at 3:08 PM | Comments (1)
June 29, 2008
The imperfect perfection
Posted by pengbo at 9:03 PM | Comments (0)
May 20, 2008
What about our children?
I was furious, with someone whom I care for a great deal.
The devastating earthquake in China has left tens of thousands of people homeless, helpless, and probably hopeless. I know that I can't do much except making some donation and I also know that the donation won't bring the deceased back to life, however, it will help the survivors cope with their pain, move on with their lives and rebuild their homes. It will also help the locals construct stronger school buildings, so hopefully no more young lives will be lost to the unpredictable nature again.
Individually we are small, a couple of hundred dollars may not help much but I believe that smalll things make big difference, I believe that the more we share with others, the more we will receive; I believe collectively we can help the needed and make the world better than it is.
I reached out to all my contacts, colleagues and friends for more help. And then this particular individual, let me down in an unaccpetable way. Basically he told me:" I will give you thousands of dollars in 10 years but now I have to invest in my asset...there are so many people who need help and I can't help everyone." I was furious, not because of his refusal to help, more because of his lacking humanity, the self-centerness. This is the same person who spent almost $1000 in restaurant last week but would not contribute 1/10 to those people who lost family, lost homes and lost hope. I was also sad, because I misjudged him. I thought he was bigger than he actually was.
I started to wonder about our next generation. What about our children? I don't want my future children to only care for themselves or their immediate family; I don't want my children to only focus on their own little world or their own races; I want my children to be able to share; I want my children to be able to love; I want my children to help others in need; I want my children to be empathetic; I want my chidren to know that they will receive more when they give...
I was furious because I can't help change your minds but please help yourselves, for the sake of your children.
Posted by pengbo at 2:57 PM | Comments (2)
March 30, 2008
Another sunny afternoon
Posted by pengbo at 8:04 PM | Comments (4)