October 14, 2008
Audience in life
I watch you from far. The beam of light drops on your red dress and outlines your face with tenderness and mystery. You are singing in a language that is completely foreign to me. But I feel that I understand your passion, your emotions and your sentiment as music is a universal language. The audience is excited by you and their excitement in return gives you inspiration. You need an audience. Don’t we all? We need someone to listen to us, to understand us, to appreciate our qualities, to recognize our effort, to help us improve and grow. We all need witness in life. No man is an island himself.
Tonight, I am yours. You don't even know who I am but I hear your passion and see your color.
Posted by pengbo at 9:09 PM | Comments (1)
October 1, 2008
Summer is over
I have been away, not just physically, for quite a while. When I come back to this deserted garden, I feel a bit guilty. The voyage is long and tiring. My life is slipped in packing, unpacking and packing again. Some days I think I see the rainbow on an August sky, yet when I reach out my hands, I only grasp a few footnotes of the wind.
I am tired, for a long time. It is not until recently that I realize that I am the one to blame because I let my energy to be consumed, I let my inspirations to be taken away, I let my body and soul float and never land. For the first time in many years, I am not curious any more, I don't always think of exploration, experiments and discovery, I want stability, a routine, a tranquil Sunday morning without thinking where I have to live.
The summer is finally over, in my heart, unfortunately.
Posted by pengbo at 3:08 PM | Comments (1)
June 29, 2008
The imperfect perfection
Posted by pengbo at 9:03 PM | Comments (0)
May 20, 2008
What about our children?
I was furious, with someone whom I care for a great deal.
The devastating earthquake in China has left tens of thousands of people homeless, helpless, and probably hopeless. I know that I can't do much except making some donation and I also know that the donation won't bring the deceased back to life, however, it will help the survivors cope with their pain, move on with their lives and rebuild their homes. It will also help the locals construct stronger school buildings, so hopefully no more young lives will be lost to the unpredictable nature again.
Individually we are small, a couple of hundred dollars may not help much but I believe that smalll things make big difference, I believe that the more we share with others, the more we will receive; I believe collectively we can help the needed and make the world better than it is.
I reached out to all my contacts, colleagues and friends for more help. And then this particular individual, let me down in an unaccpetable way. Basically he told me:" I will give you thousands of dollars in 10 years but now I have to invest in my asset...there are so many people who need help and I can't help everyone." I was furious, not because of his refusal to help, more because of his lacking humanity, the self-centerness. This is the same person who spent almost $1000 in restaurant last week but would not contribute 1/10 to those people who lost family, lost homes and lost hope. I was also sad, because I misjudged him. I thought he was bigger than he actually was.
I started to wonder about our next generation. What about our children? I don't want my future children to only care for themselves or their immediate family; I don't want my children to only focus on their own little world or their own races; I want my children to be able to share; I want my children to be able to love; I want my children to help others in need; I want my children to be empathetic; I want my chidren to know that they will receive more when they give...
I was furious because I can't help change your minds but please help yourselves, for the sake of your children.
Posted by pengbo at 2:57 PM | Comments (2)
March 30, 2008
Another sunny afternoon
Posted by pengbo at 8:04 PM | Comments (4)
March 6, 2008
Waterlily
I turn on the music in the car. FM 92.5 is always cheerfully noisy. John Mayer covers my silent tears. I do not know why I cry but a strong tide of emotion just roars in my heart, then flows out of my eyes.
In those moments when days blend with nights, I sink in the greyness and wish that I could stay there for a while but my tears are telling me that the line is clearer than ever no matter how diligently I have tried to avoid it. The tears are also a mourning, mourning about the closed door to my heart, once widely open.
I always believe that I was born out of water. Water calms me down in a very intimate way. So when you ask me:" Who are you? What do you want?" questions that we ask ourselves millions of times along the whole life journey, I suddenly realize that I am a waterlily and you are a cactus.
Posted by pengbo at 8:25 PM | Comments (7)
March 4, 2008
New shoes, traffic and closet
I have been in my "new shoes" for 2 months. I often refer to any new change--- new job, new relationship, new house, new born etc to a pair of new shoes. No matter how beautiful they look like, it always takes time to get comfortable with. So my new shoes this time, basically my new job, have deprived me from having a normal life. I have returned to the basic layer of Maslow's pyramid-----If I have time to eat, sleep and take a bath, I am kind of happy. Yet the new shoes still hurt.
The new job also changes my routine. I no longer have the luxury to get up at 8am and read in the bus or stare at some good-looking men ( not too many though) or simply doze off. I am forced to be a morning bird, driving 1-2 hours to get to work, at the mercy of the traffic. And speaking of traffic, isn't that wonderful way to kill life? Sometimes I am stuck, not moving at all. Nowhere to escape and nowhere to turn back, like sometimes in life. However eventually I go through, I pass it, like sometimes in life too.
While I am accelerating one aspect of my life, I kind of put the rest in the closet: no time to update my blog or write back those caring friends who hope to read new postings; no time to create some pleasurable moments behind the camera; no time to read much except those related to work...what am I doing?
It is March, all I hope is to get out my new shoes, get out the traffic and get out the closet, to see Spring...
Posted by pengbo at 10:04 PM | Comments (7)