もうすぐ私の家族がケンタッキーに遊びに来る。はるばる日本から。離れていてなかなか会えないから、１回、１回の訪問が、とっても貴重で、短くて、そのときが来るまで、いっぱい色んなことしたいなあ、って案をたてるのだけれど、実際に会うと、やっぱり家族で、あんまり頑張らなくってもいいんだな、っとほっとする。
でも、やっぱりせっかく遠くから、お金をかけて来るのだから、変わった場所に連れて行きたいな、と思って、お母さんに、”こっちに来たら、何がしたい？”と聞いたら、”別に何も変わったことしなくてもいいよ。近くを散歩するとか、そういうことがしたい。”と言った。え、散歩？？？アメリカにまできて近所を散歩なんて、と一瞬思ったけれど、それがお母さんの本音だったんだな。娘である私と、早朝の冷たくて新鮮な空気を吸って、ゆっくりと景色を見ながら散歩をして、たわいもない話をする。そんな時間が実は、あるようでなくて、私が日本に帰っても、結局ばたばたを買い物をして帰るような感じだし。お母さんが本当にしたいことは、ゆっくりと、なんでもないようなことを、家族そろってしたいんだな、と思った。なんだか、前は日常のなかにあった当たり前のようなことが、今ではとても恋しい存在になってしまったことが、ちょっと悲しくて、電話の向こうのお母さんに気付かれないように、静かに泣いた。
I saw his pajama laid by the bed. He laid it there just the way I do it. He laughed at it before and said it was so cute. When I saw his pajama laying there, I knew what he meant. I thuoght it was cute too. I imagined. I could almost see him taking off the pajama in a hurry. I lied on the bed and smelled the pillow. I wanted to smell him.
He doesn't know that I do that every Wednesday. My secret ritual...
Sometimes, it just takes a new CD to start doing something. I had one song I heard on the radio over and over lately, and it got stuck in my head, actually, I don't really care for that expression - get stuck- it sounds negative. The song actually remained in my heart, and I did not want it to go away.
So, I went to the store just now to get the CD. I was pretty tired from the "total body toninig" class this evening, but I still had the energy to get out the house for a good music.
My after 5 has been very productive. I have a piano lesson Monday nights, Pilates on Tuesdays, the body toning class on Wed, Yoga on Thursday, then Happy Friday! I think the daylight saving is working pretty good. I like the idea of having the daylight longer. When I get off work, the sun is still high, so I forget that I was tired at the office seconds ago, then I feel like doing something fun.
Mmm, I like this CD. Also, I bought a small radio/CD player for my bathroom so that I can listen to the music when taking a shower or putting make-ups on. It is working well for me too. Especially when "you're beautiful" song is on the radio... I noticed that when I start the day with the good music, I tend to stay in a good mood through the day.
Life is so simple. I could ask for more and more, but what is the point if I feel just right about me and my life at this point? I am feeling fullfilled this beautiful evening, enjoying the nice breeze from the window with Nene and Wildflower...
We cleaned his house one day and cleaned mine the next day. We found letters from his ex-girlfriend and pictures of her and we found mine followed by that. I was not jealous of her anymore, neither was he. We both accepted our past as it is. Our past made us who we are today. If he didn't date her, he would never had eaten any seafood or gone abroad. If I didn't date my ex, I would never had had any sense of self esteem. We both learned something out of our previous relationships, and we both got over them.
We are in a comfortable stage of our relationship right now. We are not in any hurry to get married, we don't live together, we have our own time apart, we have our time together on weekends, we don't have kids, we share worries, sadness and laughter, but we don't share anything tangible (except for the vacuum cleaner we just bought together, but it stays at my place mostly...:), and we just enjoy the feeling of this precious miracle, love and caring for each other.
We have had some problem which was related to my low self esteem, but we are trying to work this out, and I feel that it is working. Most importantly, I love him, and I love him - not I love him, but...
Maybe more importantly, I love myself when I am with him.