Last night, I had a fan on in my bedroom. Tonight, I have the heater on. Last night, I was sweating, and tonight, my nose is running. The weather in spring is usually unpredictable, but I am about to get sick of these sudden temparature changes. Why doesn't the temparature stay around 70F every day, all year around? If it stayed that nice, every single day, maybe we would stop appreciating the good weather, because every day is nice? Maybe we would even start looking for some tiny fault out of the good weather. Somethings are close to perfect, but nothing in this world is perfect, and we, human beings cannot stop searching for that something inexistant.
He came to the bathroom to bother me twice. A usual busy Monday morning...I was drying my hair, putting make-ups on, and I hardly had any time to give him attention. After having been ignored for a while, he walked out the bathroom and went back to the bedroom. Then I noticed that my alarm clock was sticking out of the bedroom door and the screen was faced toward the bathroom so that I could see what time it was. I do that usually to see the time, because I don't have a clock in the bathroom. I did not know that he knew I did that. I was impressed that he noticed a small thing I do daily, and more importantly he put the clock out for me today, even after having been neglected!! I went running to the bedroom and gave him a kiss. He is such a sweet person.
We don't live together, I work daytime, and he works at night. It is sometimes hard for us to adjust ourselves to each other's life styles. I am just really happy that he noticed small things like that, and I value things like that a lot. He might not have thought anything about doing that. I don't think he thought anything about it, actually. He didn't do that to impress me for sure. But, to me, it was something special, and that showed how much he really cared about me.
On my way home, I thought about him and the alarm clock agian, and I said to myself, "I love him."
I came back home and went upstairs. I saw the alarm clock flipped over. He might have tripped over it...poor him...
Then I said to myself, "I really love him..."
I was like an animal last night. I just had two beers, so it wasn't because I was drunk. I was truly horny. I was longing for someone to touch me, to stroke me, and to caress me all over. I hadn't felt like that for quite a long time. I don't know what made me feel that way last night, but the reason I can only think of was the strip club we went on Friday. I think it did that. wow, how easy.
As soon as my boyfriend came back home from working 2nd shift, I jumped on to him. He was surprised, yet very happy that I was up to that, and we went at it passionally with full of energy for about an hour. I had never felt sexier. It was like a spontaneous one-night-stand, almost, in terms of the level of energy and passion, the way we curiously studied our bodies, roughness and tenderness at the same time. It was like a storm.
After the storm, we were both wet from the sweat and so on, arms and legs spread out and just lied on the bed. We usually kiss and cuddle to enjoy the afterglow, or to make up for dissatisfaction for not getting enogh, or to cover up the uncomfortable space between us, perhaps. This time, no explanations were needed, nor questions were asked. It was a feeling of complete satisfaction, sexually, nothing more, no logics, or no feeilngs.
I woke up this morning and tried to see if I still felt like that. I looked at his face and kissed his cheek. He opened his eyes and gave me the look of, "oh, do you want more?" and he reached my butt and kissed my nipples.
I didn't feel the same. The storm was gone.
I talked with my mom this evening. I phoned her to see how she was doing. It was a quiet Sunday morning in Japan. It was also a quiet, yet Saturday evening here. She has been suffering from depression for a while, and I try to call her whenever I find some time to do that. Just like the other times, she was constantly trying to finish up the conversation quickly and to hang up with me whenever I started asking how she was feeling. That indicated how bad she was doing. I wanted her to tell me what her worries are, what is making her sad, why she doesn't feel like doing anything, if she has seen any doctor for that deprerssion or sleeplessness. She would not tell me what is wrong with her, because telling her problems would only make me sad because I would not be able to do anything about it.
I changed the subject. Both my mom and I were going to feel more sad, talking about her problems, so, I said, "So, what do you want to do when you visit me here next month?" My parents, brother and his wife are planninng on coming here for a week in April. My boyfriend and I have been talking about what we should do, where we should take them, and things that they might enjoy. We were thinking about taking them to a country music live, because my dad loves country music. I was thinking about looking for flower gardens or something, because my mom and brother's wife loves flowers. We were also thinking about taking them to Nashville, where it's known for the origin of country music.
My mom's answer was surprising. She said, "We don't have to go anywhere special. I want to just go out to take a walk or something."
Take a walk...I went speechless. From all the way from Japan to USA, all she wants to do is to take a walk...? Then I realized she meant that. We used to go for a walk to the woods almost every Sunday morning when I was in Japan. Mom must really miss that. Something simple, which we never thought anything about then, became very special now. We can rarely do that anymore. We can only see each other once a year if we are lucky. Mom's answer made me feel sad than anything. She has to travel almost 24 hrs to take a walk with her own daughter.
I said to her, "Yes, we will definately go for a walk, we will do that." I was crying, and trying to hide it as much as possible. I didn't want her to know I was crying. Maybe, she was crying also. We both becamse quiet for a second.
We said a coulple more words after that, and I hung up the phone. All the tears that I was holding were coming down on my cheek. They were very salty.
I found myself on top of his shoulder, and I also found his face right in front of my private part...
I honestly did not think I would enjoy myself this much before I went. I always felt cheesy about these chippendales and, really, any kind of pictures or calendars of macho men on them. I have never been attracted to these kind of men, and even for fun, I never thought I would get excited, like tonight...!
It was a blast, abso-fuckin'-lutely, YES. I wouldn't say I am addicted to it, but I can go back there every now and then for my birthday party or my own bachelorette party, or whenever I find these excuses to go there. It's just that there is no place like that where I had been, in which women treat men as no more than sex objects. I'd never thought a cowboy hat was sexy until tonight. I found myself VERY excited when the cowboy started taking his clothes off. One after another.
One of my best friends is getting married in May. Going to the male review was one of her bachelorette party events. She was married once, mainly because she got pregnant. She was young. She was only 19. Then she gave a birth to her beautiful son, but marriage did not work out for her. She went through a tough divorce, of course evry divorce must be tough, but for her, being a foreigner in this country, with a child, it was even tougher. I always looked up to her, and I am always pround of her mentality and inner strength. She always thinks of other people first, and she rarely talks anything bad about other people. She never thought about her happiness. She always thought about her son's first. She never thought she could find the guy who could make her happy. She was not even looking for one. But two years ago, she found him, or he found her, I guess they found each other, and they were engaged one year ago. She had a health problem last year, and she was not even sure if she could live, and things got tough again for her, but just because she was so loved by many people, she got a lot of supports, and she overcame the sickness. During that time, I think their love got stronger. She turned 29 this last January, and I asked her how she felt, because this is going to be her last 20th year, so I was expecting her to say something like, "Ohhhh, I don't want to turn 30!! That's the end of the world!!" even thuogh we know it is not, we tend to say that, generally speaking. But, she said, "Since I was so sick last year and I did not think I could get any older anymore, I am actually very grateful that I was able to get older today...and I want to grow older each year healthy." That was like one of the most amazing things I'd ever heard from people I know. I totally agree with her. Aging is the greatest thing in the world, it really is.
Anyway, that was her bachelorette party, and we absolutely had a blast...My boyfriend came over my town lunch time just so that he could give me some allowance to have a good time tonight. I've never had any boyfriends in the past who could be this cool. He said that I needed to have girls night out sometimes to have fun. He knew I needed one. I totally had a great time, screaming, dancing, touching, laughing, drinking, just, great....all the worries, stress, sad thoughts, and everything was gone. I needed a night like this, and I am really thankful to my very understanding boyfriend, when a lot of girls at work could not come because their husbands didn't let them.
Well, I just thought I should write a note about my first experience tonight. My throat hurts from screaming too hard, so I should go to bed now. Before that, I will call my boyfriend to tell him how much I love him.
I was looking at the picture of a stylish building. The outside wall was covered with glasses. I was imagining, "what if I was working in the place like that..." I am in a very artsy office and sipping a cup of green tea. I look very professional in a neatly ironed shirt and a mini skirt. I am talking with someone, and we are discussing something very professional. Then I realize that my boyfriend is standing close to me, and in my imagination, we were not a couple anymore for some reason. I say, "Hi..." He says, "hey...." awkward moments...I say, "what are you doing here?" He says, "I just came by to say hi. How have you been?" I say, "I have been doing well, actually, much better, you know?" Then I notice that he is wearing a dress shirt and a tie. They were the only nice clothes he has, and actually his mom bought for him for the company Christmas party one year ago.
Then I came back to the reality. I was crying. I said to myself, "I can never leave him." Just imagining him coming over my new office with his only decent outfit (which is still not decent or appropriate for the place I was at) made me feel sad. I love him. I really do.